"I love you, as a friend"
"Same to you"

I sit down on my bed with my phone in my hand. I open up the drawing app on my phone where I draw, leave notes for myself, or just write when I'm bored then cover it up with a drawing- just in case.
I write it all down; how I feel about him.
Dear
I can't even start it. I can't put his name in case someone finds it. Memories of the time Ash took my phone and started looking through my drawing app flash in my mind.
Dear, boy
I write about how I feel about him. I write about how
I loved you then. I love you now.
As if it were a letter, being sent to him as casually as a postcard. I write like its totally normal to pour my heart out about someone without any intent of them- or anyone for that matter- finding it.
I try to blame it on something like the pills I took for my headache, caused by my heartache. But I knew it wasn't really the pills talking, it was my heart.
I finish writing everything about how I feel, about how I've felt for years now. I cover it up with a drawing; a broken heart. I cover that up with black and with the name of a song that reminds me of him.
I check the time: 1:04 am. I should be asleep- well- I should've been asleep several hours ago but now I really should be asleep. I plug my phone into its charger and set it on the wooden table beside my bed that my mother and I had found while out at a second hand store earlier today.
I yawn and wiggle until I'm comfortable. Tomorrow I would finish unpacking completely.

I brush a yellow flower petal off of my dress as the wind blows. A red dress with straps that hang off my shoulders. Its long in the back, not too long in front.
I grab my keys out of my purse and lock the front door. I look to where my car is parked in the driveway beside the truck. Someone has their car blocking mine.
Who has a car like this and comes to my house? I look at the grey BMW as I walk around to the drivers door. I tap on the driver's tinted window, put on an obviously sarcastic and fake smile, and look to the sky as they roll down the window.
"You're blocking my car," I roll my eyes, still not having looked at the driver.
"Hey," the driver laughs.
I shatter, "Zack!?"
"Hop in," Zack clicks a button and unlocks the passenger door.
I run around the car and get in next to him.
He leans over and kisses me.
"I missed you so much," I cry.
I'm still smiling, I'm so happy to see him.
"I've missed you too," he says.
He pulls out of the driveway and we drive to my school, talking, laughing, and endlessly smiling.
We get to the school we get out of the car, smiling and holding hands. We walk towards the school, it's entrance is lines by balloons and banners reading "2021 Prom", "Prim Rose Prom" and things of that sort.

I wake up in tears. It was fake. None of that happened. I want him. I want my friends. I miss them. I want to go home. I bury my face in my pillow and cry. I want to go home.
"Sweetie?" My mom knocks softly on my door, "are you ok?"
I don't respond.
A few minutes pass and suddenly I hear my window open and Kelly is shoved through, Becca right afterwards.
"Are you ok?" Becca whispers, sitting on the edge of my bed as I wipe my tears.
I shake my head, "I miss home. Don't you?"
Becca nods, "I miss my friends."
"Me too," Kelly looks at the floor.
"Let's go have some breakfast," I stand up and put an arm around each of my sisters and lead them out of my room and into the kitchen.
"I made pancakes," My fathers tone started happy until he saw my recently crying face.
He puts the last of the pancakes from the pan onto the big plate beside him.
"What's wrong?"
I cry a little, "I miss home."
I run to him and wrap my arms around my waist. I wish we could just go home, go back.
"I know," my father smooths my hair on my back, "I know."
I hear a door slam and my mother yells, "Why can't you just try to be happy for me!?"
I let go of my father and go sit outside my parents bedroom door.
"I have," I cry, "I really tried. But mom- I- I miss my friends so much. I just wish I were there, or that they were here."
I hear my mother sobbing.
"Mom I'm sorry," I cry, "I really am. I wish I could be happy for you hut I can't mom. I just need some time. I need to make new friends. But I'll never forget my friends and hopefully I'll stay friends with them, although it'll be hard being across the country and all."
"Go eat," my mother sobs.
"Fine," I look at the ground while I walk back to the kitchen for breakfast.
I feel like a kid again, being scolded by my mother in public for one reason and then scolded again for pouting, whining, or even crying. Hell, it still happens.
"Is she ok?" My father asks quietly.
I want to retort something like go see for yourself or does it seem like it but then I'll get in trouble for having an attitude or talking back or whatever.
I just silently shake my head and sit at the table with my sisters.
"Lana," Becca whispers as our father walks down there hallway, "when you're eighteen are you going to go back home?"
"Unless I somehow change my mind about being here within the next two years," I nod.
"Maybe it won't be too bad," Kelly shrugs, "maybe you'll find new friends and you'll want to be somewhere in the middle of the two, somewhere close-ish to both friend groups."
"Maybe," I sigh.

After breakfast I head to my room and start unpacking my clothes.
I open up the first box after sitting it on my bed. On top is one of my hoodies, a purple one. I put that one away, not looking at what's under it.
When I come back to the box I look and what I see catches me off guard and shatters me; his jacket.
I sit down on my bed and hold it to my face, it feels like him.
I remember the day he gave it to me. We were in Geometry together and I was cold. I was sitting in my chair and he saw me shivering and came up behind me and draped his jacket over my shoulders. It was warm and smelled like him.
I looked up behind me and there he was, smiling at me.
"Thank you," I whispered.
"I want it back tomorrow," he laughed.
Needless to say, he never got it back.
I put the jacket on and sigh happily. I sit on my bed for a minute longer, hugging myself and the white jacket, before I continue unpacking.